Letters to the Doctor
by CCisGod
Summary: Dr. Carlisle Cullen, the best doctor in New York State and near infamous for his odd characteristics, receives a very unexpected patient in his waiting room when on duty one afternoon. AU, Non-Canon couples, CxB.
1. Preface

Since the most amount of people voted for this title;

"Letters to the Doctor"

Here's a story to go along with it! Any questions, comments or complaints, please click the magical button at the bottom of the page; it makes _my_ life lovely. And I know how much all of you care about that ;D

And, anything that is explained in the summary or disclaimer, well, it's there.

Disclaimer

_**This isn't twilight. Or written by Stephenie Meyer. But if anyone's interested, this girl, CCisgod, is currently writing it! Meant for entertainment, reading, and overall non-canon purposes and anything other than being published, this was written. I do not in any way, shape or form show a religious way or life, but my personal opinions may or may not be in the story. If you don't like what I write, don't read.**_

I don't know about you, but I'm happy with that.

Enjoy!

**Letters to the Doctor**

How far would you go to save someone's life?

A person you didn't know?

To expose yourself, a part of yourself untouched for years?

Had you known what would happen, would you have?

How can you decide?

You can't.

Finding out the hard way was the best decision of my existence.

**A/N: Hmm… interested? It's short, yes, but it's only the preface, not included as a chapter in my book. Chapter one is coming up soon! But don't be too anxious for the chapters, I'm focusing on my other stories first. This **_**will**_** be a slow progress, but I had the idea and… well, here's the preface.**


	2. Chapter one

LttD: Chapter ONE

AU/OOC

A/N: I'll admit, this is probably the hardest time I've had writing a first chapter. No doubt. And I will make my best effort to make it worth the wait between chapters!

Disclaimer:

_**This isn't twilight. Or written by Stephenie Meyer. But if anyone's interested, this girl, CCisgod, is currently writing it! Meant for entertainment, reading, and overall non-canon purposes and anything other than being published, this was written. I do not in any way, shape or form show a religious way or life, but my personal opinions may or may not be in the story. If you don't like what I write, don't read.**_

_My hands clenched around the steering wheel tightly, my knuckles nearly turning white. I had to be extremely careful to not break the steering wheel as I drove as fast as I could without becoming a road hazard. Nothing would be fast enough._

_My jaw flexed reflexively when I thought of to be, what was to be?_

_No._

_This would not happen, I wouldn't let it._

Chapter ONE.

I sagged into my oversized leather office chair. Being one of the best doctors in the state gave you privileges like that, and even more so when you work at Lenox Hill Hospital.

I felt tired from my day, feeling more emotionally stressed than I had in awhile. My office felt oversized, like the hospital pitied my hours. My lack of sleep would never take its toll on me if it hadn't already. After my long time of being alone, I realized that there was nothing to come back home to.

And I felt… lethargic. Drained.

But I had no right to feel that way.

I stretched, seeking some comfort from my current position, finding none. I scowled at the chair, the inanimate object, as if it were at fault of my self-induced misery.

Before I began calling out obscure profanities at the chair, my office phone line ringing interrupted me. I looked at the phone skeptically, feeling off about the incoming phone call.

Pinching the bridge of my nose, I answered the phone. My day-to-day life was becoming more of an internal battle than it used to be. I had only myself to rely on in this ever-changing world, and I could never purposefully ruin another's life for my own gratification. Despite my longing for companionship and someone to speak to honestly, let alone more than that.

I had been changed with a chip on my shoulder. There were certain things about yourself that could never be changed. Despite my rough start, I had begun to ease myself in to society after years of learning to control simple things…

Like myself.

"Dr. Carlisle Cullen." I answered quickly. I was never in the mood for a phone call, it only reminded me of what wasn't, and it became more than saddening at times. It was never anyone that was family who called, for I had none.

Before the other line answered, my pager went off, signaling I was needed somewhere… stat. I was becoming impatient with the other person on the line for not responding instantaneously. I worked in a hospital, a place where many people's lives were constantly put in danger.

"Dr. Cullen, I'm sorry for phoning you, but I didn't know any other way to reach contact with you quickly." The other line said, and I didn't recognize the voice. My brow rose in confusion, why had I been called by this stranger… and furthermore, how did they know my name?

"I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name." I said, still unsure of the caller. My jaw ticked and I pursed my lips together, waiting for an answer.

I heard the sound of hushed whispering in the background after I asked my question. I pursed my lips, growing tired already of this conversation.

"This is Charlie, Charlie Swan. I'm sorry for interrupting your day, but I'm very worried about my daughter, and I know you're the best there is." My eyebrow rose at this, didn't he know that Doctors didn't make house calls any more? We have a functioning hospital for a reason.

"I'm sorry to hear that Mr. Swan, but I'm not quite clear on what your intentions on calling were." I kept my voice calm, but I had no idea that I was in for an even larger surprise than the call itself.

I heard a low huff on the other line and I rolled my eyes. People were so arrogant sometimes.

"Dr. Cullen," He spoke my name clearly, as he were trying to get me to understand, and I bit my tongue as not to laugh, "there's something I need help with… my daughter, and I know that only you can help her." He sounded determined to convince me, as if he believed it himself.

"Mr. Swan, I'm sure that any other capable doctor-"

"Dr. Cullen, please listen to me." He pleaded with me, sounding extremely desperate. I pursed my lips, considering hanging up on him, but thought better of it. It would be bad manners.

And I wanted to know what the man considered so important as to call me and ask for my help personally.

"Go on." I stated simply, somehow managing to keep the edge off of my voice when I spoke.

I heard him take in a deep breath before speaking.

"Don't ask me how, why or when," he said sternly, the man's voice sounded threatening to me now, protective and hard, "but I know what you are, and my daughter's gonna be like you too if you can't help me out now."

I had never lied to leave work early. Not until now.

I had to find a man by the name of Charlie Swan.

Alright, it's short. Complain. Go ahead, I mean it. I meant to make it longer, but don't blame me! My fingers ran away with me on this one!

Don't hurt me! Please! Just Read and Review! Or Comment! Or Complain! Or Something!


	3. Chapter two

**A/N: I thank you all for reviewing, I have high hopes to get out more chapters quickly but it's a slow progress. And Carlisle is OOC here… different from my other Carlisle's, just a relatively bitter person I guess… Well, Enjoy anyway!**

He had read the directions to his house to me once, knowing that I would memorize it. I still didn't know how the man knew of my background, nor how he had known how to get in contact with me, but what I did know was that I was already running out of time.

I would never make it in time.

Trying not to make it obvious that I was willing to break any traffic law to reach my destination was becoming increasingly difficult.

It was strange, hearing those simple words coming from the stranger. I didn't know him, he didn't know me. But all the same, those words struck a chord with me. I had known from my beginning that I had been damned, sentenced to something slightly less than miserable for my existence.

I hated seeing others being the same as I.

According to my internal navigation system, I was nearing the house. I couldn't help but notice the difference in the scenery as I drove on. The city was much different than this area.

I had not always lived in the city, but large cities were definitely my favorite places to reside in. Living by myself was easier to deal with when I was surrounded by the commotion of other humans' lives.

Heading upstate was new for me; the denser the population, the greater for me. But here, everything was so… green.

And I couldn't help but hate how it made me feel. The greenery always seemed to strike a chord with me, memories to be exact. I hadn't always lived in a larger city, especially during my human life. Living in England in the mid 1640's made for difficult times. Population was sparser, more rural.

I shoved the nostalgia aside. I was on a mission of sort.

Miles away from my destination, and I heard it, but how could I not? The sparsest of houses was nearing acres instead of feet. Anguished screams.

I felt my lips purse slightly at the sound. It meant many things.

It was a woman screaming, most likely Mr. Swan's daughter.

She could be heard easily. If he had any nearby neighbors, this could be bad news for interference.

The change had begun. I began to doubt what exactly the man in question had in mind for me to do when I arrived.

I had received the call nearly a half of an hour ago, making me believe that my chances in saving the girl from becoming a vampire were nearing slim and none.

This was to be expected, so I supposed.

The brakes made a slight noise in protest when I stopped into the long driveway of Charlie Swan's house, and the ear drum-shattering screams had not relented since. While I knew of course, that the sound could not physically hurt me in any way, it still was rather annoying. This too was anticipated.

I ran hurried steps to the front of the house, not worrying about being seen in an area as such.

The smell of blood permeated the air, but I held no attention for it. I had been working in the hospital for a long time, I had grown accustom to things like blood. And making a house call did not change anything.

I knocked once, knowing that any damages I caused could be used against me in any circumstance.

I heard a murmur in the house behind the loud wails. My patience was growing thin of this. To hide something from me would be unwise in a situation such as this. His daughter's life rests in his hands now.

But to my surprise, a woman with a severe look answered the door. Her eyes looked grateful, but her facial expression anything but. Her nose was scrunched up, signaling her obvious distaste, her mouth in a slight frown and eyebrows creased. I suddenly questioned myself if I had indeed come to the right house.

But the screaming alone let me know I was at the correct destination.

"Doctor Cullen." She said simply, stepping aside to let me through. I could tell that she was holding back venom in her voice.

A man stood directly in front of me, he was only slightly shorter than I, taller than the average human still.

A thick, moustache sat upon his face, covering part of his upper lip, the color matching the graying black of his hair. His eyes were brown, and they held the importance and superiority that made me feel inadequate. It was an odd feeling, standing in front of this man, because I felt like I was torn between shaking his hand and ripping it off.

I decided to hold it off for now; my patient in subject was lying on the couch currently.

Ah. The source of the screams.

And as soon as I wished to be next to her, I was.

Her eyes, squeezed tightly shut, showed no obvious signs of the change occurring. But it was three things that stood out to most while I leant over her to observe the person in question.

She had been bitten on her wrist; the semi-fresh crescent scar was forever marked upon her right wrist, already healing fairly well, as the bleeding had stopped.

Secondly, her blood was changing. The scent of her blood in comparison to another human's was different. It was floral, sweet like venom, and reminded my senses of freesia.

Thirdly, she seemed to be restraining herself from flailing. I had seen a great deal of changes occur in my short time spent with the Volturi, more or less the vampiric rulers of the world, and most of them had spent their time being restrained to a surface to keep them from injuring themselves or others.

There was nothing left for me to do.

I stared at the woman; she was stiff on the couch, almost unmoving to the human eye. It was obvious from her unexpected twitches and jerked movements that she was in obvious pain.

I had never felt so helpless in my life. I could only look down upon her in silence.

Neither of the other two adults in the room had spoken a word since I had arrived, standing behind me at least four steps each.

I turned around slowly, feeling surprisingly defeated. I composed my face before they could see my expression

My face had been morphed in to a look of distaste and hate, that much I knew for certain.

"Well?" I heard Mr. Swan's desperate voice ask suddenly. I let my eyes hesitantly meet his, feeling ashamed suddenly. I knew I had nothing I could do.

I had failed at saving her life.

Something that bothered me more than it really should have. I had no attachment to the girl whatsoever, other than her father begging me to help her.

I shook my head slowly, still processing the words unbelievingly slowly.

"There's nothing I can do, Mr. Swan. It's too late." I said, sounding like any generic doctor of New York City. But was I really different?

'_Course you are. Soulless demon, remember?_ My conscience reminded me ever so kindly.

"Don't Mr. Swan me goddamnit! This is my daughter we're talking about here! It's the difference between life and damned!" He suddenly exploded.

I suppose I deserved that.

I searched in my mind briefly as to his first name to address him again. I had a feeling things wouldn't end well the way they things were headed.

"Charlie, I'm sorry, but there's really nothing I can do any longer for you here. I couldn't arrive in time." I spoke aloud, trying to sound as comforting as my body would allow me.

"I knew it. Quil was wrong about you. You're all the same, don't give a damn about anyone but yourself." The woman snapped then, the first time she had spoken a word to me.

_Quil?_

"Quil?" I asked hesitantly. By the way that I was being attacked, I wasn't sure if it was as cut and dry as I had hoped it to be.

"Yes _Quil_. You remember Ephraim don't you?" she barked at me before continuing in a softer tone, "He was the only one that trusted you, and his great-grandson carries those same beliefs with him."

Then it clicked. Wolves. The tribe in Washington.

So much for faster and higher brain capacity as a vampire. I had enough courtesy to look slightly ashamed when it finally dawned on me. My father had brought me up with manners of my time, etiquette and common sense.

"No I remember Ephraim, though I don't recall a Quil. But I'm still not quite certain as to what you're talking about." I said. The screaming became intermediate in the background, stopping and starting, on and off.

Charlie pressed his lips tightly together, as if considering something before speaking.

"I need you to take care of my daughter for me. She won't be the same for awhile after the change… will she?"

It took a long second to fully process what he had asked of me. He wanted me to take care of _his_ daughter for him while he sat on his ass with his wife at home? Grant it, two humans could never handle a newborn vampire, but this was too much to ask of me. I didn't know these people form a hole in the wall.

I had sacrificed enough by coming here in the first place. These people knew my secret, they asked me to stop the change, and now they wanted me to take care of their child?

No. I couldn't, wouldn't. I was a prestigious doctor, I couldn't just suddenly leave. I was needed where I worked at the hospital. Everyone at the hospital is necessary.

I began shaking my head and answering.

"No."

"But Carlisle-"

"Don't call me that." I snapped. No one called me Carlisle. The entire staff knew well enough never to call me Carlisle.

I was Carlisle to my father, and I hated my father. I was Carlisle to Aro. Aro and I had large disagreements in diet. No one else called me Carlisle.

Maybe I had no right to snap at the man, he was innocent and had no idea that I wouldn't allot anyone calling me Carlisle, but he knew things that humans weren't supposed to.

I could hold that much against him.

"Doctor Cullen, we can't take care of her just yet, you and I know that much." Charlie spoke, his tone softening, knowing that his chances were dwindling if not lost already.

"No one here knows how she'll be when she wakes up, she would go on a killing spree, it would be all over the news." The woman filled in, making me rethink my snap decision.

Who would be there for her?

_You don't need anyone to take care of. You're better off alone._

But things could end badly.

_Since when do you care?_

People would die. I'm a doctor, in the profession to stop people from dying.

I was sure that I would get a headache from the internal monologue occurring, warring with myself over the decision.

Surely it was for the good of society.

I took in a deep breath and observed the room briefly, taking in the surroundings. It was a relatively small room for gathering, my apartment was much larger than the house itself, I surmised. But there was something that stood out here that lacked in my living quarters. Pictures of family gatherings, picnics, school, etc. The girl made an appearance in every picture except one, a wedding photo, of Charlie and another woman, surprising me greatly. But they all held one common theme.

Memories.

Didn't I crave that?

_Not until now._

I mulled over the idea for a moment, thinking of the differences. I had memories, but they were without others. Did I want others? To miss when they were gone?

No. I never did. I still didn't.

But I couldn't leave these people with a newborn vampire to deal with by themselves. I would watch her until she had enough control to leave.

"I'll take her." I said simply, not bothering to wait for a reply to my sudden change in mind. I wondered briefly where I would go with my new burden.

I walked over to the couch and picked up the girl, carrying in her in my arms much lie you would a hurt child.

I made my way to the door, the guardians of the girl sidestepping to let me pass by.

"Bella." My head snapped to face the voice that spoke, being at the door at this point.

"What?" I asked then, not sure what he was referring to at the moment. Bella meant beautiful in Italian, a language a picked up while residing in Volterra with Aro and the Volturi.

"Bella, her name is Bella." He clarified. I nodded slowly, showing my understanding. I stood awkwardly at the door with the hundred and twenty pound burden, not knowing what to say.

_I'll just take your daughter and leave now. I guess I'll call you when she doesn't want to eat you._

No.

_Call me when you want a checkup on your vampire daughter, I'm sure I'll be able to talk. Oh! Here's my number too! Feel free to call for any reason at all._

Not exactly.

So I did what I always did. I walked out without a goodbye.

I had reached my car again by the time I heard either of them speak a single word.

"Thank you, Doctor Cullen." I heard the gruff voice of Bella's father speak.

I only nodded my head. My long day had just doubled. I had to find a new place to live, living with a newborn in New York City wasn't an option.

I pondered quietly where to put Bella in my car, not quite sure where I should put her. She was obviously much older than the twelve years old required by law to sit shotgun, but I wasn't sure how old she was. Late teens, early twenties at the most, I guessed. Furthermore, she would end up ruining my seats if she kept jerking so suddenly, the leather would get scratched.

_Always a rhyme and a reason._

So I lied her carefully across the backseat, buckling her in as I did so.

It was strange, the thought alone of taking care of another for more than just in the hospital. I would have to do my best, I decided.

No wasn't an option tonight; the fate of innocent people now sat in my backseat.

And with that thought, I sped off, mulling over where my next destination would be.

**A/N: You like? I thought Carlisle was being a bit of an ass here, but that's just that.**

**I'm hoping to get another chapter up soon *****crosses fingers***** hopefully. I'll try my best to get a head start on this story and then work on everything else and see how it goes.**


	4. Chapter three

**Chapter three.**

**A/N: Carlisle lives alone. He's almost always lived alone and intends to continue living alone. Bella of course put a rift in that plan by being bitten… And is now under his care. And slightly OOC. If this bothers you (?) don't read it I guess. Here are my writings!**

**Oh wait! My disclaimer! *****Blushes***** Here you go!**

_**This isn't twilight. Or written by Stephenie Meyer. But if anyone's interested, this girl, CCisgod, is currently writing it! Meant for entertainment, reading, and overall non-canon purposes and anything other than being published, this was written.**_

After pondering for a long time, I decided on driving further upstate to settle down. The landscape grew greener and I grew weary of the on and off screaming. At one point, I had taken to as much as gag her so the screams wouldn't be obvious to anyone else driving on the highway.

Bella of course, hadn't noticed a thing.

It was nearing sunset now and not much had changed on the drive. I was sure to have a constant ringing in my ear after this drive.

I suddenly felt extremely grateful of my real estate agent of talking me into buying a summer home so far upstate; it was definitely needed at the time being.

I stopped the car in my driveway and pulled up to near the front door. Getting out, I noticed that Bella had stopped screaming when the car stopped.

I picked her up carefully from the seat in the back, still aware of her frailty as a human.

I had picked out a modest house up here. It wasn't fashionable nor was it large but it suited my need. I was only one person after all.

Now it was two.

The idea seemed foreign to me; I would be living with another now. Someone else added to my party of one. A housemate of sorts or even as far as a roommate. I would have to share my once sacred living space with another being, and a newborn vampire at that. Despite the house being nice and sturdy, it was fragile to any newborn vampire.

I bit back a groan at the thought of teaching manners and etiquette to someone. From seeing the father and what I assumed to be the mother, I deemed them to be respectable people, but all the same, I had a feeling that I would be correcting this girl quiet frequently.

I pushed those thoughts aside and focused on where I should put Bella for the time being. I decided on the spare bedroom, asking myself why I would chose any other room in the first place. And I sat next to the bed in the chaise and waited for three days for the change.

Three days of screaming.

Three days of watching Bella suffer through the agony of the change.

Three days of waiting.

Three long days of sitting and doing nothing.

In other words, it was one of the longest three-day spans of time I had existed through.

But it all ended eventually, but of course, it had to. And the wait was worth it. I had never seen a newborn vampire awaken until now; new experiences were good, right?

Like hell they were.

Her heat began nearing its last beat, the thrumming filling the room as the only sound, almost becoming a single sound at the pace in which it beat wildly. Her hands curled into tight fists and ripped up the bedding instantly, ruining it.

Then, her heart raced on as it sprinted towards its last beat, to be in silence forever. I remembered this of my own change, of hearing my own heart about to burst out of my chest. She had less of a clue than I had; I knew what was happening throughout my change, but I was sure that this girl had little to no clue. Even if the father knew, I doubted that was something you just decided to share with your daughter for family bonding time.

The red of her iris's were startling and to be expected at the same time. Even not witnessing my own change nor another's, I had seen my reflection in the water more than once, caught glance of my face in the eyes of my prey.

Everyone started with blood red eyes.

And that would be a subject I would bring up to her later, to teach her of my ways, unlike that of the rest of my, now our, kind.

She convulsed on the bed, as if being electrocuted then and there, thrashing wildly. The mattress itself was beyond repair now, large chunks of the foam and wood flying around the room then.

All I could do was sit on the chaise, ready restrain her easily and watch the destruction occur… it would all be over soon enough.

But as soon as I was prepared to grab her, it all stopped, very suddenly. Instantaneously.

Her heart stopped beating.

She stopped breathing.

The screaming stopped.

Her body lay limply on the bed, not a muscle moved.

Much had happened over the past three days, physically, to Bella of course. Her hair had slowly gone from a dry, muddy brown to milk chocolate waves. It had grown softer as well; even a careful human eye could see the obvious change from human hair to thick, luscious and volumous waves… Vampire hair. Watching her skin lighten and go from a healthy toned pink-tinged to the same pale, whitened color as my own, seeing her body become the "hourglass" shape from the average she was. Physical altercations and screaming aside, it was a learning experience watching her go through the change.

And when the silence filled the room, I missed the sound of her heartbeat filling the void. In all of my days alone, I had been comfortable in the silence, but living in the city had its advantages certainly, for I was never alone there. Of course I would hear the wildlife outside but it was rather an annoyance than something interesting or captivating of my attention.

But after the last three days of hearing it beat till its last, the room felt empty without its sound filling the empty.

It was the strangest thing, sitting there, watching her open her eyes for the first time in this life. I had never seen her eyes before, and even though I should have I didn't expect it. The blood red irises were shocking, almost frightening, really, but a strange feeling coursed through me as I looked at those eyes for a split second. I felt the oddest sensation, like I should close my eyes, but I couldn't bring myself to look away from the brilliant red of her eyes.

But she sat up then, her brilliant eyes darting from every corner of the room.

"Where am I?" She asked quickly. The sound of her voice was a nice change from the screaming. It was melodic, much like any other vampire's voice changed to after the change. I didn't blame her for screaming, but it bothered me nonetheless while it happened.

"We're at my house. Do you remember anything?" I asked her. I had a feeling that being told that you were in a stranger's home wasn't readily accepted, especially in a situation like this.

She eyed me warily for a long minute before her expression portrayed turned intensely thoughtful.

"My name is Bella, Bella Swan. I'm twenty two in a month, and my favorite color is topaz."

I raised my eyebrow at her explanation, well knowing that she would stay at forever twenty-one instead of her next birthday. But I stayed quiet. I would explain it all later.

"But who are you?" she asked then, her lips pursed, obviously trying to remember.

Of course she wouldn't know me. Her father had me take her away while the change was occurring.

"I'm Dr. Cullen. You don't know me, and nor I you, but your father requested that I… supervise you for a while." I stated calmly, making sure to leave out my first name. If I had it my way, no one would know my first name.

"Why?" She asked then, looking perplexed. She sat more relaxed now, seeming oblivious to my tensing up.

"Bella, do you remember what happened?" I asked, feeling slightly uncomfortable suddenly. This was an awkward conversation that I had no problem with being left out from.

She looked at her wrist then, studying it. She didn't speak for a while, but I remained patient. From what I had learned, there were times when newborns didn't remember anything at all. She was lucky enough to remember her name and age.

"Yes." She said quietly, her eyes turning downcast. I frowned at her sudden change in attitude, despite how calm she was. It was strange really, seeing her act so calmly. I remember as a newborn, barely being able to focus on anything. I had been so keen on destroying and starving myself that I hadn't taken notice of anything else around me.

Aro had spent a great deal of time teaching me of our "culture", talking and attempting to convince me otherwise of my own decisions. I, being the strong willed person I am, didn't budge.

"And I remember many things, like Charlie and Sue… and Mike. Where's Mike?" She asked suddenly, her eyes became fearful and questioning.

"Mike who?" I asked in return, I had no idea who "Mike" was. But there was a way she said his name, a way that made me feel lonelier than I was before, a strange emptiness filled my chest, making me feel worse off than I ever had in my years. I had dealt with this before, pushed it off, trying my best to avoid my feelings get to me, but here I sat, feeling down because of… a boy's name?

"Yes, Mike, my boyfriend."

I blanched slightly at the phrase, for reasons I couldn't place. A simple three words, dangerous and hurtful when put together. My eyes felt slightly unfocused as I looked ahead now, I felt out of place.

"I'm sorry, I should let you get settled in first. This is your bedroom now… Come down stairs when you're ready." I said quickly as I stood up and made my way of out the room, leaving no room for a reply. I felt ashamed for asking then, and bashful as a young schoolboy for leaving so abruptly, closing the door behind me. I noted that I also seemed to storm out of the room. I certainly had a charm, I knew how to make an exit.

So here I sat in the living (hardly) room, reading my medical journals in comfortably in near silence… It was hard to escape the notion that I would be living with another person for quite a long while.

She walked down the stairs then, my eyes never leaving the pages of my journal. I barely heard her walk down the stairs at all; if it hadn't been for being a vampire, she would have entered unnoticed.

I saw in my peripheral vision that she carried an object in her hand, a part of the door to the bedroom I had left her in only minutes ago. I chanced looking up at her then, only to find her with a bemused look and hand on her hip jutted out, her eyes focused intently on me.

"Yes?" I said, sounding bored even to myself. I knew exactly what I was doing. I was acting much like a child, running away from hearing what he didn't like to hear, then acting selfishly and very much annoyed.

"How did this happen when I went to open the door gently? Tell me the truth, about what happened to me exactly. And why my eyes changed colors. If I remember correctly, I had brown eyes. I know that I don't have in contacts or else they would be bothering my eyes." She demanded, her voice was serious and assertive and meant to be taken as such.

I closed my medical journal and set it down softly on the side of the table, barely making a noise at all when it was placed. She stared glumly at the chaise in the room, then turning her head to every piece of furniture in the room with a forlorn look on her face.

"Why don't you sit down?" I asked, tiring of waiting for her to take a seat.

Her face twisted into a grimace quickly, before answering then.

"I can't. I'll end up breaking it." She said begrudgingly, gesturing to the object in her hand then. I couldn't help but smirk at her

"Fair enough, we'll go outside." I compromised. Hopefully, this conversation would not take long, not that I had a job to get back to any longer, but I enjoyed my peaceful alone time and had a strong feeling that implied I would soon be missing it.

The sun was out now, but I lingered in the shadows, reluctant to start out the conversation with sparkling in the sun.

"How do you feel Bella?" I asked, it was a simple question, but I knew the answer already.

"Fine, actually, better than I have in a long while. What made me feel this good? I mean I think I might be getting strep throat, because my throat is killing me right now." Her words spewed out quickly, we would need to work on her acting more humanly instead of speed talking.

"Come with me." I said simply, walking forwards into the sunlight. I knew she would be surprised by the look of her skin, and ask about it. I had no ideas how to go about this, telling someone about our kind. I had to make sure not leave anything out at all, for certain, but how could I tell her without seeing her run away?

"What's happening to my skin? Why am I sparkling?" She blurted out, bringing me out from my state of intense thought. The warmth of the sun covered my back fully, warming me from head to toe. Midday was usually our worst time to be out, but for this, we would need the sunlight.

"That's part of my explanation. This is why you and I can't go outside in the sun." I said simply, but I could nearly feel her curiosity brewing as I left my statement to lie at that. But before she could speak again, I spoke.

"Look around you Bella. Tell me what you see, hear, feel, smell, everything." I knew that she was very worked up at the moment, much like someone hyped up on cocaine. I wondered idly if all newborns started off like this. She was handling surprisingly well, better than I even, and she had only woken minutes ago.

Her eyes scanned the scenery carefully but quickly, much like a typical newborn. I joined in looking at the greenery; it wasn't anything special really. Everything seemed to be covered in leaves, rather than the cement and marble I preferred. Everything was filled with life of a sort; I preferred the reminder of the mega-cities that our culture and civilization was moving on, improving with every step taken. But here, time seemed to stand still. Nothing improved, people stayed much the same. I guess I avoided it because it was too relatable to myself. I studied continuously, learned new things and did my best to improve my knowledge and skill set. But it was here that reminded me that I was still that person inside. I was cold, hardened by my mistakes and upbringing, but that wasn't even quite my downfall.

"Why can I smell the water? It's so… strange." Bella said then, bringing me out of my reminiscing.

"What else?" I asked simply, keeping my tone calm and casual. I could tell that there was a small group of deer about a mile or so northwest, but that came from my experience from hunting.

Growing up away from others of my kind, I had taken an… alternate route in my feeding habits. An insatiable thirst that we search for the Earth to quench, I had no wish to feed off of people. This was yet another reason why I worked to save lives, for every other known vampire on the planet fed off of humans. They were neither my friend nor enemy, they existed and survived and endured to help them.

Yes, it was a tedious life.

"I smell… cedar trees, evergreens, soil, incoming precipitation, maple leaves and…" she trailed off then, pausing thoughtfully, her face scrunching up in confusion.

"And something I don't have a name for… it's like a mix of brussel sprouts and something tangy, those are the strongest scents of all." Her nose scrunched after she described the last scent.

Deer. Or in other words, lunch.

"Do you know that you're smelling deer Bella?" I asked her bluntly, expecting her eminent surprise.

Her eyes widened then, her eyebrows shot up from where she still stood. Her look turned expectant then, wary of what I had said. I could imagine that it was more than hard to believe. She was very trusting though, something that surprised me greatly. I had done nothing to earn her trust so quickly, but yet here she still stood, with someone who was nearly a stranger to her.

But then did either of us really have much of a choice?

"No, I can't be, there's no deer in sight." She said, her eyebrows creasing.

It went against every thing. Her instincts told her that the scent indeed belonged to a small herd of deer, but her humanized, civilized side argued strongly. It was strange being on the outside of an internal battle like this.

"Follow me." I said softly. I felt an odd sense of protectiveness over the girl, which was more than I could have said that I've felt for anyone.

We ran in silence and Bella ran ahead of me, laughing joyously. I smiled at her blissful state. I wondered if she would stay the same after I told her what she was, why she was so strong, fast and different suddenly.

But my smile disappeared when I questioned myself on smiling. I had only met this girl a few days ago (if you could really count the past three days), and there was something about her that screamed "dangerous", "change" and "different".

We were close to the deer, within 500 feet, when suddenly a pale streak of an iridescent lithe body lunged at the unsuspecting deer, taking two down at once.

"Shit." I rarely cursed, no, I never cursed, especially in the presence of a lady. But it was when I saw Bella Swan leaping at the deer, her eyes suddenly crazed with thirst that I realized I had encountered an unstoppable force of nature. I should have told her already.

I procrastinated.

Like I always seem to do at anywhere but work. It was yet another part of my downfall, but why couldn't I for once do something halfway right?

I groaned in annoyance as I watched what little I knew of Bella Swan tear at the remaining of the deer mercilessly, the sounds of bones cracking and flesh tearing mixed with a growl.

"Bella!" I shouted as I walked towards the destruction zone, taking slow deliberate steps. It was obvious she wasn't in the right state of mind, being both a newborn and mid-hunt.

Her head snapped around to see my figure walking towards her, taking slower steps with each one.

Her teeth were bared at me while I did this, but then something happened. Something flashed in her eyes, recognition, and she looked down at herself, her face falling from sated to horrified.

This was my fault. I had to take the blame for this one, I should have told her already. We might not have had an experience like this.

"What did you do to me?"

**A/N: My muse has disappeared! If anyone reading this is also following my other story "Open Your Eyes", I meant to update it the next day I had last posted, but as I am stating, my muse is taking a break. Therefore, no words are coming.**

**I'm hoping to update soon. And so I apologize my dear readers, because my brain seems to not be cooperating with my fingers.**

**And I'm surprised to see how much of a child Carlisle is acting like here…**

**I think I've re-written this chapter at least five times. This is what I ended up with finally.**


	5. Chapter four

**Chapter four** (_finally_)

Yay… I'm trying to be less lazy and knock out a few things at once…

I paced my office.

I had an angry newborn outside of my, now, rather fragile and pricey home.

Of course, I had caused the anger. Not shockingly so, after I had allowed the change to happen, and I had seen, my attitude and stupidity alone could have killed someone.

Multiple people.

She was young, but she showed much intelligence for her age (both vampire and human), as she slowly calmed herself as I explained. I let our discussion fill my mind nearly whole as I continued my pacing.

"_You're a vampire, Bella."_

"_Right. And I'm trying to find my way back home to Kansas now I assume. Does that make you the Wizard of Oz?" she asked, sarcasm heavily lacing her voice. She folded her arms as she huffed, obviously annoyed. Her eyes never left mine. _

_I mentally noted that the animal blood had altered her eyes slightly- they had lightened since she had fed for the first time, appearing to be a deep scarlet versus the bold red they were when she awoke._

"_Bella." I said, my tone becoming slightly admonishing. Legal adults (even if I had a few centuries on her) or not, we were both acting like children._

"_What do you want from me? Here I am, in the middle of nowhere, when I wake up in a __**stranger's**__ house, accept what he's told me, and now what? __**I**__ want to leave." She said, flailing her arms slightly in what seemed to be an attempt to make her point clearer._

_It was just short of adorable in my mind. My mind conjured up an image of her being human- her seemingly flawless face filled with a beautiful blush and her eyes brown rather than the startling red that was now filled with passion._

_Although, I couldn't find it in myself to blame her._

Before I allowed myself to feel guiltier than I had earlier (as it was already eating away at me), I sat down to see that my carpet had indeed been affected by my pacing. The strip in the middle of the room showed wear and was visible from any angle.

I closed my eyes.

My office was now silent, as I stopped myself from breathing, only the clock downstairs stirred the house now. Outside was different.

That same girl that had been fuming at me, filled with what appeared to be rage not too long ago, was seated on a rock outside, kicking at the ground (most of the loose dirt being removed rapidly).

Sleep was not possible for our kind. The days seemed to drag on endlessly- no time for rest or true relaxation in sight. There was no light at the end of the tunnel. I used to worry over the things in life that any person did (or doctor mostly). How long traffic would take. How quickly I could get to work in my car… versus running. The miracle of life, and the ability to end it so easily.

But now I worried over a new problem. Bella.

She worried me greatly on many levels. I'd need to convince her to stay near me. We'd need to become at the least acquaintances, familiar on terms enough to live near each other.

I tried to strategize our living arrangements, but found no easy solution. We'd be roommates for the time being, I supposed, but no more. She had her own life, back with Charlie and _Mike_.

And I'd go back to being myself. To normality.

But normality worried me now. Could I ever fully return to something as that? Surely.

I admonished myself for having a conversation with myself. It could be comforting or quite unnerving at times.

_Being a vampire reminded me strongly of the symptoms of a person with ADHD._

***…***

Bella came back inside after awhile, the sky had visibly darkened and the stars were easily visible- with or without my enhanced vision.

I heard the slightly muffled sound of walking in the kitchen, along with the opening and closing of cabinets. I stood at the sound, wondering what she would be doing in the kitchen- of all places!

My curiosity peaked when I heard the opening of dried food. I knew that I kept a small supply of it in stock for occasions when I (rarely) had humans over. Keeping up the façade was imperative.

With less concern about my speed, I nearly appeared at the foot of the stairs, walking into the kitchen at a fairly human pace.

She didn't turn at my entrance. She stood still, reading the package of the dried food carefully- as if she needed to be that still or read for that long. She most likely (and most literally) had the nutrition label memorized at the moment, and with the ingredients. Including red dye number 4.

She was visibly tense, and a part of me knew that I had only myself to blame for that- even if she did seem to be hypersensitive (like most newborns) and overreact. I stood at the counter mulling over what I would say. Could I apologize? Repent for my actions in some way? Or had I finally gone too far this time?

I suddenly felt incapable and inept. Emotions that I rarely felt. But I couldn't tell what bothered me more- the thought of feeling those emotions, or the reason behind them. I cared.

I fucking cared.

Carlisle-fucking-Cullen gave more than damn about someone other than himself (as saving humans lives as repent for being what he was didn't count).

"Why are you here?" She asked in a small voice. She had turned around now, facing me fully. Her eyes were darker than they were earlier, full of piercing emotion. I had been so lost in my epiphany that I didn't notice her movement.

I stared blankly at her.

"You want to apologize?" she asked then. Her voice softened slightly, but her eyes remained the same, betraying her tone.

My mouth opened in a feeble attempt at apologizing, my shoulders slumping forwards.

"I'm sorry." I regretted the words as soon as they left my mouth- the words sounded pitiful to my own ears.

"You should be." She snapped quickly, her voice rising. Her words stung, like a fresh wound. But the pain didn't cease. She began to worry her bottom lip with her teeth, her eyes downcast and arms crossed over her chest. I stopped myself from reaching out to her.

"Why did you let the change happen?" Her tone turned almost sorrowful as she looked away from me, her eyes filling with tears that would never fall.

"What would my death mean to you? I'm just another human. There's billions of us here- why _me_?"

She took a deep unneeded breath as she continued her rant.

"I'll never be the same again. I'll never be able to be near my loved ones again without hurting them, will I? To control myself enough to have a relationship with Mike? To say as much as hi to Charlie?" Her voice shook as she spoke. Her eyes darted back to mine with new ferocity.

"Damnit, you have no idea what I mean, do you? Have you ever even felt close to someone before? It's obvious you're used to being alone- you couldn't even hold up a fucking conversation with me!" Her hands balled into fists as she spoke, showing her anger farther than her words alone.

I couldn't tell if I should say something or not. I didn't really have anything to say, quite frankly. Speaking at all could make things worse.

She appeared in front of me then, her eyes blazing with a passion I didn't recognize. Her eyes questioned mine silently, eyebrows furrowing in the process.

"Do you feel nothing then?" she asked quietly, sounding like a hurt child than that of a twenty one year old.

Her hand raised and I stared into her eyes still. I had nothing to say- I did feel, it was true- but I hadn't the slightest idea on how to respond to her without making her run out from me.

My thoughts disappeared when the oddest thing occurred.

She kissed me. Passionately.

Her hands fisted in my shirt, lips pressed up to mine fiercely. My eyes widened at her as hers shut tightly. I felt as if I nearly (literally) split in two.

It was amazing.

But it was unfamiliar.

As per usual, I panicked.

My body held stiff as a board, my arms pressed tightly at my sides as she continued her assault upon me. Her lips were firm and sweet, her scent powerful and heady.

My entire being felt foggy. I wanted to grab her, pull her against me and allow the mental images I conjured to become reality. To strip her to nothing and make her understand what I felt. To feel skin against skin.

And I opposed myself, mentally admonished myself for even thinking such things, knowing fully well that I should push her away and tell her off- she was being courted by a significant other!

But she pulled away then, her mouth open slightly and her expression sorrowful.

"Did you feel no emotion then either?" She whispered. Truthfully, I felt many.

I felt shame for her and myself, to give herself to me so fully so soon.

Embarrassment for my feelings of lust, desire and something I held no name for.

Guilt for my own actions.

Regret for not acting as I truly wished.

Confusion for the sudden influx of emotions.

My obvious hesitation bothered her more than I meant to.

"I'm going upstairs. Goodnight." She said as she turned on her heel and darted up the stairs, leaving me feeling more alone than ever in my kitchen.

***…***

Two days had passed since we had last spoken (or she had to me). She avoided me in the house (she understood why she had to stay there), going as far as to jump out of the window and go through the sliding glass door to get a book to read instead of chancing passing by me in the hallway.

I knew she was more than upset- it was clear as day. And I was the obvious catalyst of the new emotions she felt. Even though I knew she was there, whether it was the proximity or the scent she left in a room. All living creatures held a specific scent to their own- much like a fingerprint could identify a person.

Bella's scent was everything perfect in life. Indescribable. Even though her emotions affected her scent (as most were negative… if not all), she was a blossom in the desert.

I could tell that slowly, as each day passed, she began to forgive me. Less and less were hostile emotions emitting from her, and more and more were pleasant. As today, I heard her laugh.

It was lovely.

I found myself smiling at the sound, the tinkling sound of a new emotion- happiness. But it died as soon as I peeked into the room, curious as to see the amusement's source.

She scowled at me.

Soon enough, days passed, the time blending again, into an endless day. I had no job to go back to every morning- as I expected to feel no purpose for life. But I found myself oddly drawn to a specific purpose.

Raising Bella.

Odd as it may seem, the prospect of teaching her my ways, to show her how I lived and to help ease her into her life as a vampire plagued my mind. And I was near overrun with thoughts.

As the time passed, and my mind kept track of the rising and setting of the sun, it was two weeks passed meeting Bella. And she approached me.

"Carlisle?" She spoke as she entered my office (surprisingly willingly), my name as a question.

My head snapped up at the sound. She spoke. To my face- not through the wall asking (not very politely may I add) to stop bothering her with my incessant noises.

"Yes?"

"Do you want to… hunt?" She asked. I mentally prepared myself to be let down in one form or the other.

"I've noticed you haven't left the house since we… hunted. I figured that it was due time for you to do so." She added.

I was truly in need of a hunt- even if I had no temptation in my way at the moment. My eyes felt much darker than usual from my lack of nutrition.

"Yes."

And so we did.

***…***

Alright. I've got the next chapter half-written and It'll be up soon… sorry for the wait! R&R please!


	6. Chapter five

**Chapter five**

***…***

We fell into a pattern.

Bella would speak to me, and I would attempt to talk without blubbering like a fool or snapping at her. We became our own version of the odd couple.

Nearly a full three months had passed since she had been (more or less) thrust into my life. But she, in turn, gave me one to live. I felt more connected to her than I had to any person I had known (not that I cared all that much about any of them). She understood me for who I was- the antisocial vampire. And I her- the intelligent (and quite lovely) woman. I rarely admitted that fact to myself. But at times… I couldn't help but notice her beauty. She intrigued me- made me question things I thought I knew- either from bewilderment and shock or from simple curiosity.

We held short conversations now, as I became almost comfortable around her, in her proximity, and she mine. She spoke as if I had known her for years rather than a tense three months. She was far more trusting than I had ever been.

I nearly envied her innocence and casual attitude. She was so young, so inexperience compared to I. As time passed by, I began to realize that I wanted that with her.

Something to care about, the memories to reflect on with someone. The idea of showing her the world.

But I wanted to protect her from it as well (myself included). She was so fragile. As she had shown the night she kissed me (a night I couldn't allow myself to forget), her emotions ran rampant at times- something quite frequent for any newborn. But her bloodlust and thirst didn't show as I had expected.

She seemed to evolve before my very eyes.

She smiled (beautifully).

She danced (gracefully).

She sang (melodically).

She grew (mentally).

She was perfect (in ways to great and far to explain to do her justice).

In all essence, she was Bella Swan.

And I fell for her quickly. I was a fool for her. Whether it was love, lust, or simply my first try a relationship, I felt that I needed her more than humans did claim to air.

For her, I laughed and smiled. I danced and sang with her when did. I felt spontaneous and young in her presence- the need to do something "illogical" at random.

She had taken to calling me Spock at times. Void of emotion. Brilliant. Other worldly. I scoffed at her. He was fictional. But naught I could stop her.

We watched movies from a program where we could watch them for free on the television- Netflix.

I found out more about her and she I. She had slight recollection of her past and cause of her change. She had been running errands that day, and she spoke of running into a man she didn't recognize, but recalled him being beautiful and… odd, as she mentioned. But she was drawn to him and he to her, as they walked down the block together. It was when she neared her home that she froze suddenly, his eyes turning black and cold.

"_You know of them." He spoke, his voice cold as the iciness of his skin._

"_Who?" She asked, startled by his adverse reaction._

"_The wolves." He growled, his voice deepening._

She never knew the name of her attacker, but she knew of his obvious aversion to the Quilette wolves. There was no right answer for her. To lie meant death, and to tell the truth did as well… Even if her death was eternal life.

I told her of my childhood and my time spent with the Volturi, of my regrets and fond memories from the Nighttime patrons of the arts.

But I never told her how I felt. She found out my emotions herself.

***…***

She was a goddess in her beauty (both aesthetically and mentally). She seemed to know not what she did with the simplest of actions and words alike.

To pass time, we would talk or play a game- nothing too mentally encompassing. But she was eager to learn, her desire could not be quelled, and as her mind soaked up new knowledge, I did as well.

I took note of how she held her pen when she wrote. When a particular section made her think, her beautiful lips turned into that of a pout.

Today she looked lovely (as ever) in blue. She was always lovely.

"I think we should go out today." She said aloud. I was puzzled.

"Out where?"

"Shopping maybe. Or just to get me used to the world I once knew again." She replied with a small shrug. Truth be told, I was torn. She seemed to be ready- she was much more in control of her actions than ever, along with her eyes. Her gaze was nearing Topaz than blood red, though the specks of evidence of her newborn state gave her away. I thought back to my attempts at teaching her how to handle clothing.

"_Carlisle, this is useless!" She exclaimed at me, throwing her seventh shirt at me. I narrowly dodged the material and sighed._

"_It won't get any easier if you don't practice. You have to act as if you're handling tissue paper." I stated as she growled at me. Her emotions easily got a hold of her when she was frustrated like this. I knew it wasn't easy early on, but she had to learn her strength._

_She picked up another shirt slowly and deliberately, holding it away from her body slightly. I involuntarily swallowed back the venom building at the sight of her._

_She stood, facing away from me, clad in a pair of slightly ripped jeans and a bra. I felt the undeniable urge to bite her…_

_I wanted to do so very many dirty things to her. Flashes in my mind of ripping her clothing off myself, few as innocent as a passionate kiss, taking her as my own…_

"_Does it ever get easier?" She sighed as she pulled this shirt over her head- this time; only a small nick in the shoulder was the price. She smiled triumphantly at her recent victory, looking quite proud of herself. I bit back a laugh and settled for a smirk._

"_With time, I suppose." Obviously not pleased with my answer, she put her hands on her hips and quirked an eyebrow in disdain._

"_It's only the truth." I said as nonchalantly as possible. I was still quite uncomfortable with the situation, for reasons more than one. I stalked off to my quarters in effort to hide from her again…_

I deliberated for a short moment. Things could end poorly for us both- along with any surrounding humans- if anything went wrong.

"Shopping." I parroted dumbly, the word falling out of my mouth heavily.

"Yes… Shopping, as in spending money." She said slowly, drawing out each word and syllable in mockery. My eyes flickered to hers, my expression admonishing.

I acquiesced to her request then, on the terms that she stayed glued to my side as we shopped.

Hopping into my car, I eyed her as she sat gracefully into the passenger seat of my car, watching for any signs of impending damage to the seats.

My eyes undoubtedly strayed from the seat to travel up her body swiftly. Most definitely okay in my seats, images flickered in my mind of christening my precious car… Something I planned to give thought to in the near future.

Heading towards the Eastview Mall, we sat in pleasant silence for most of the ride. Her eyes were alight with excitement as we passed by people heading in the same direction- the civility, the humanity and intrigue- experiencing this as a vampire, to be around humans again.

We stepped out of the car at a reasonably human pace; the cloudy day we were greeted with was perfect for our shopping expedition.

She smiled softly at me and reached out welcomingly for my hand. I grasped her hand in mine, relishing in the close contact and proximity between us.

I smiled back.

We walked around for a little bit, Bella's control not even wavering as we strolled comfortably. After venturing for fifteen minutes or so, I saw her composure begin to struggle as we passed by a young boy with a paper cut in a nearby store. She cringed after going as far to lick her lips.

She ducked her head into my shoulder quickly, burying her nose into my jacket whispering,

"Let's go."

It had been enough for one day, especially since she had been surrounded by so many people, with so little practice. I was quite proud of her newfound control.

We returned to the car silently, but Bella still looked downcast. I figured that society and returning to normalcy meant a great deal to her, but it would take much time, patience and practice.

"The first thing that crossed my mind when I smelled him Carlisle… Oh, dear Lord… it was how easy it would be to have him. And just how good he smelled." She sobbed as the door closed. I laid a comforting hand on her shoulder, unsure of how to approach her, considering the distressed state she was in.

"It will get better Bella, with time."

She looked up at me with dark, doubtful eyes.

"Will it?"

She was dangerous.

Other than the obvious, she was a danger to herself at times… or moreso, myself. She was so innocent, yet sinful and impure.

Forbidden fruit if there ever was such.

Her eyes smoldered when she spoke to me, her hands drew attention to nearly every aspect of her body unintentionally. The flip of the hair. The smoothing of the skirt. The list went on forever.

She tortured me, but the tortured was sweet and I craved it, no matter how painful my repercussions were.

But not all was torturous.

She was sweet and playful, much like one would compare to a kitten. However, her ball of yarn was myself.

"Carlisle, would you like to do something?" She asked innocently. Her wide-eyed stare was undeniable… What had happened to unfeeling towards others?

I closed the book, still leaving it hiding the better part of my lap from her view.

"Why not then." I stated simply.

"Can we…" She paused for a short moment, deliberating her limited choices of activities in the isolated area we resided in.

I quirked an eyebrow at her as she thought. Her eyes met mine and she huffed.

"Fine, I can't think of anything. What do you do for fun around her anyway?" She asked impatiently.

"I read, work, study… Those sort of things." My answer sounded bland to my own ears. She frowned.

"Books are far more delicate than clothes." She sighed.

"I could read to you." I suggested, trying not to convey my hope too strongly. Time wasted with her was time well spent. She smirked at the idea but acquiesced quickly.

"Any book preference?"

She tapped at her chin thoughtfully at my question while moving over to view the nearest bookshelf for her options.

"Hemingway? Shakespeare? Twain?" She asked, sounding surprised by the choices she found.

"Here," I said as I stood, leaving the book behind, "let's try… this." Reaching for my go-to poetry.

"Morgante Maggiore?" Bella asked, her head quirked curiously. "Is it in English?"

My lips pursed together slightly at her question. No it was not, but I had no desire to deter her from listening to the epic I had grown to love so after my time in Volterra.

"Not at all… it's an Italian epic, by Luigi Pulci." I stated. Her eyes grew with intrigue, and I moved to sit down on the couch, waiting for Bella to join.

She sat close to me, one of her legs brushing against mine lightly. A jolt coursed through me at the seemingly innocent contact, causing me to grip the book lightly.

I opened to page to the start of the poem, clearing my throat lightly out of habit.

"Il Morgante." I began, slightly shaken by her proximity.

"In principio era la parola vicino a Dio,  
Dio era la Parola, e così la parola è stato…"

When I had read each line, I told Bella its English translation, so the context would not be lost on her.

Throughout the reading, her arm had found purchase around my shoulder, her head resting on arm, nearly climbing into my lap.

I couldn't complain in the least bit.

Bella was quite a welcome lap guest.

**A/N: Well… It's something, right? Enjoy the tidbit please, and review!**


	7. Chapter Six

**Chapter Six**

**A/N: Disclaimer: I'm boring, poor, and not SM.**

**All mistakes found are no one's fault but my own.**

***…***

The hot water was running (in my house), in the shower. However, I was not the one in the shower.

I sat on the bed, my bed, on the other side of the house. I was currently rubbing my eyes in a feeble attempt to rub away the images. Bella in the shower.

Wet.

_Water has the capability of causing that._

Naked.

_The majority of the population shower without clothing._

Simple facts didn't change the images pouring through my mind. I had seen her with less than I had been comfortable with, but naked was different. Now, especially. There was no denying the fact that my body recognized her as a preferable sexual partner. My mind didn't deny my body of anything.

My enhanced senses didn't either.

The resounding plinks of droplets of water bounding off of her skin froze me internally. To be so lucky as a simple water droplet.

Something had changed between us over the months. Bella became comfortable around me- too comfortable sometimes- and quite, quite trusting.

She went as far as to value my (rather worthless) opinion… When matters came to her especially. I was far too biased.

"_Carlisle?" I heard her voice call from her room upstairs._

_I nearly appeared at her door the moment after she called, my hand poised at the door to knock._

"_Yes Bella?"_

"_Come in, please."_

_I lowered my hand to open the door, walking in slowly. After our first unsuccessful shopping trip, we returned to purchase new clothing, quickly._

_I looked at her with wide eyes as she turned to face me, graceful as ever, in what could only be described as a dress that was made for her._

_My breath caught in my throat._

_The material itself, the midnight blue silk, made her skin glow in the pallid moonlight. While the dress was not low cut as others I had seen, it was tempting, teasing, but tasteful. Elegant._

_Her eyes caught mine, but as soon as it had begun, it was over. Her eyes became downcast as she bit her lip shyly. The breath I had been holding came out in a sudden whoosh as I walked forward to her. She peered up at me through her eyelashes before speaking._

"_How does it look?"_

_It? It was nothing. It was fabric._

_Bella made the fabric appear beautiful._

"_I know, I doubt I'll have any use for this anytime soon, but…" she trailed off, waiting anxiously._

"_Beautiful." I breathed. The word carried new meaning when applied to her. Her skin was cream and roses. Her eyes, amber. Her hair, pure chocolate._

The sound of the water being shut off suddenly, bringing me away from my reverie.

The shower door slid open slowly. A towel was picked up.

Images of her wrapped in the tiny purple towels in her bathroom plagued my mind.

I groaned internally. It was almost torture, but too sweet to be painful. I could almost see her smirk, or that dirty grin that best the Cheshire Cat.

The bathroom door opened, the hinges groaning at the movement, signaling her departure. I forced myself to stay where I was, away from her merely towel-clothed body. My mind slipped back to the day she kissed me.

I wanted to go back, to fix what I had done, and to really kiss Bella, to feel her lips on me. What I'd give to kiss her again, so passionately.

There were many things wrong with me. I obviously instinctually craved 'natural human wants and desires', just as any other human-esque being would. Any man. I had needs too… right? As would any man, vampire, animal, or living creature would.

It was only logical.

***…***

For the next three days, I locked myself in my room. Quite literally.

I was ashamed of myself, my body (or lack of control over it). I banished myself from bearing witness to Bella. So naturally, I punished myself.

Bella came by each day and knocked, asking for anything from a new book to read together, or a request to hunt. Each passing day became more difficult to deny her. But I stayed true to myself (my/her [indirect] punishment).

I had my mind and books to comfort me at the time being. Just as it always was (or had been before Bella).

I reached for a nearby medical journal, planning to immerse myself in my passion until it was all that my mind focused on. Flipping open to the first page, my mind slowly wandering to Bella. I heard her downstairs, grumbling about something to do with the television.

_Focus,_ I told myself. I had to rid my mind of her to allow myself to see her again.

My eyes were ready to pop out of my head as I read the next page. One word covered the entire page.

I shoved the book away as if it had caught fire and blinked rapidly, willing the word to disappear. I calmed myself slightly and quickly flipped to the next page, only to find the same word plaguing that page as well.

My breath stopped.

I continued flipping the pages of his textbook, desperate to see any other word, but they were all the same.

_Sex. _I read it again, clearly as day and night.

And so it had finally happened. Sexual deprivation had caused me to lose my mind.

I slammed the book shut and clenched my eyes closed. Bella had to be the root of the problem. Having her here… invading my personal space was causing my mind to not function properly.

But she hadn't thrust herself into my life, I reminded myself. Charlie had. And I accepted her.

Yet I couldn't fully regret her staying here. She captivated me, puzzled me, charmed me, accompanied me, aroused me, and had gone as far as to capture my heart. And she hadn't a clue in the world.

I stood quickly, a snap decision forming in my mind. I would come clean about my feelings to Bella. She deserved to know that she resided with someone who carried a torch for her (though who would not?).

I walked up to my door, unlocking it swiftly and yanked it open, walking with purpose to find Bella. I ventured downstairs to find her sitting cross-legged on the couch, looking at me with eyebrows raised.

"You're alive?" She asked, the sarcasm laced heavily in her voice. I narrowed my eyes at her.

"Not quite." I quipped, earning a roll of the eyes from Bella.

She seemed tense at the moment, and I quickly changed my mind about telling her at the moment.

"How was solitary confinement?" She asked with slight smirk. _A much-needed break,_ I almost replied, but thought better of it. While it was true, that statement like that could be interpreted incorrectly.

"Boring." It was a half-truth. I had missed her presence in the three-day period of being locked in my room.

There was certainly something wrong with me.

She nodded, but her eyes traveled far away as she turned her head.

I couldn't resist knowing what went on inside her confusing head.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

She grimaced slightly._ That's not a good sign._

"Carlisle," she started off slowly, as if to soften the blow, "I'm relatively calm and well-contained for a newborn, right?" She asked, her eyes looking everywhere but at myself. A sinking feeling in my stomach settled in.

"Yes, I believe that you are." I answered slowly, my eyes narrowing slightly.

She inhaled and exhaled slowly before speaking again.

"Well, I had been thinking for awhile, you know, about all that I had left behind when I became a vampire." Dread sat in the pit of my stomach like a lead weight. This sounded far from 'good'.

I nodded noncommittally at her statement.

"Well… I think I'm ready to go back."

_Go back. To leave._

_No. Why?_

I felt sickly. I (my body and mind alike) had almost become dependent on her. Three days in a separate room from her caused me to start loosing it.

How could I answer? Hurt her? Which was worse? To hurt her, or to lose her? Both seemed equally horrible in choice.

"Don't leave me." I pleaded suddenly. The sound of my voice surprised me- what the hell? The voice was weak, low and unlike anything I had ever spoken.

She narrowed her eyes at me.

"What the hell do you think you're playing at?" Her words came at me like knives. Painful and sharp.

"Bella, please, be reasonable-" I began, but was cut off by her icy glare and words.

"Reasonable? That's rich. Playing the pity card on me? 'Don't leave me!' Oh, cry me a river Carlisle! I am sick of this place! I've been here for months, improving my control, living with, may I remind you, a complete stranger! And now you want me to be reasonable? I practically threw myself at you, and now you decide to man up to ask me not to go?" I bit my tongue to not say anything to anger her further. I didn't know where to begin apologizing.

She let out a huff of air, crossing her arms tightly across her chest. I swallowed at the sight. How much had I fucked up this time? How much of it could I fix, from not saying enough to saying the wrong things?

"I'm sorry Bella… I was wrong," I paused, hearing her mutter, "No shit." And so I cracked.

"But I can't imagine a life without you now. I'm so, so very in love with you. It sickens me that I'm telling you now, like this, but I need to get this off of my chest. You consume me, Bella, my thoughts, my actions, even my way of life. You've changed so much about my life, in so little time. I'm an old fool Bella, for you, and quite untimely if I say so myself." I opened up my mouth to speak again when I saw Bella's face and thought better of it.

Her eyebrows peaked at her forehead, mouth opened slightly. She let out a huff of air quickly and shook her head.

"That was… probably the sweetest thing I've ever heard, Carlisle. But that was the absolutely worst fucking apology I've received."

I braced myself for the let down.

"I have to go, Carlisle. For myself. I mean, God, I haven't spoken to Mike since before the change. I assume that Charlie has said something to him, but what could I tell him that's kept me out of contact for months on end? I can't stay here forever Carlisle, I need to just… adjust to _me_ again." She sighed then, looking drained. How had I not noticed how she had been? Was I so consumed with her that I only focused on the least important parts that made Bella… Bella?

I stared at my hands, wishing this all away. I slowly allowed the disappointment - in myself - to sink in. I had ultimately failed, poured my heart out to her. Sickly barely covered the way I felt.

"Bella?" I called out to her as I saw her stand, determination set strongly in her eyes. "Promise to keep in contact, to just let me know that… everything's okay." I hated the way the words fell out of my mouth. They sounded atrocious to my own ears.

She gave a small smile at my words before nodding. She walked purposefully over towards me, bending down slowly. Neither of us moved for a long moment.

Bella bent down and kissed my cheek, a silent goodbye.

_A silent death._

And so she left.

The image of her walking away was one that would haunt me forever.

***…***

A/N: Please… do not crucify me. There are loose ends to be tied. However… All comments, questions and reviews to placate my love for reading your gorgeous reviews are quite welcome ;)


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